Okay, let’s get this over with now... Yes that is the stupidest title I could possibly come up with. Are we over it yet? Good.

With a possible love interest over seas, and basically being shut out of my current film project, I figured I should use the day to catch up on some anime. Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood has been a little fast, and slightly cheesy, but thoroughly enjoyable none the less. I've got to catch up on the latest two episodes, but personally enjoy the manga over the first anime, so this is a blessing for me. But I recently found out they released an anime of Valkyria Chronicles.

For those of you who do not know(or do not have, or have access to a PS3), Valkyria... is the SHIT! They somehow found a way to combine strategy games and shooters, and still mix a hint of rpg level ups in. The levels are interesting, the art is awesome, and the fact that sound effects say themselves like a comic book really adds some fun to the game. Possibly one of the best parts about it though is the cast. You have Suzie, the pacifist in the military, or Marina the "lone wolf" sniper. You might say to yourself "These are pretty generic characters though". Well yeah, everything’s been done before, but THERE ARE FIFTY SOMETHING PEOPLE AND ONLY TWO ARE COMPOLSRY ON EVERY MISSION! Not to mention they all have different voices and personality enhancers that effect their, err, effectiveness in battle, such as pollen allergies, or compulsively clean, or gets high by sniffing tanks, or masochism. If you don't like a character, simply don't use them. If you want to use them later, you can with no penalties since level up affects class, not individuals. And even better is the fact that every character has a bio, they might only be a paragraph or two, but it’s enough to get to know the characters. They also have a friend thingamajig that causes those people to work better together. So when all the character designs are done, it should be simple to turn it into an anime.

So I start the first episode. the intro plays. "This opening is awwwright!" I exclaimed to myself my foolish joy making me sound like a mad man in an empty house. "OH BOY, CHARACTERS! EVERYONE SHALl be in ... the... intro.... .... ...." and so I rewound to see the few characters that they showed. They pick most of my least favorite characters in the game to be in Squad 7. I'm okay with Suzie (I'll get to her later), I like Marina, she’s my second favorite sniper after Catharine. I like Homer, the pain loving engineer, and I don't have a problem with the games token gay guy, Jan. But Aisha? Adorable, yes, but anime really loves putting 10 years to war, and having twelve year old make love. (she is the former, I'm just saying with the latter.) Edy? She's so annoying, I quit the mission I was using her on to get her off the field WHILE I WAS WINNING! Plus, she hates Rosie, who is a main character, but I'll get to this. And Karl as the second engineer? What about lesbian especially for Alicia, Dallas Notallof, or awesome-sauce, better when last Nadine? I'm not even sure if it's really Karl I'm talking about because he was so unimpressive! His face just always sticks in my mind on a cork board, under a heading of do not use. But the person who holds the highest spot on the list is Oscar, the worst sniper in the game. Catherine kicks all kinds of ass with her Irish accent, Marina Return to Castle Wulfienstein is just awesome, and I could enjoy Czezary with any pain or discomfort, I just like the two others better because I didn't happen to get him until mid game. But Oscar? Seriously? In game I have only fired 10 shots with him, maybe less, his total hits is 1, all his personality traits suck, AND he’s a racist (If I remember correctly). Then there’s a nameless person running around, who may be Nina, but I think could be a guy. And that covers the first 2 minutes.

After that I hate my life when Suzie shows up. At first I was like “Oh look! Suzie! I didn’t realize she was part of the town watch! Awesome!”, but then, I “Wait, why is Suzie here, and no Noce, who I sin love with Alicia, and also part of the town watch in his bio!?” ed. He hasn’t showed up yet. The next disturbance came a few episodes later. Why don’t the side characters say anything? You shove my least favorite people on a team –Theold, and then you don’t give them lines until episode six? What the hell? And then you don’t even give them their weapons? I saw Oscar, Largo, and Jan running around with scout rifles instead of Tank-lances, and a sniper. Their rifles then proceeded to shoot full auto, like the cover fire guy from MoH: Frontline’s Garand was a Thompson. Did they even look at the bio’s and likes, dislikes pages? Why even have characters? But you kept Hans, the retarded story ruining cutesy piece of shit flying pig? GOD DAMNIT! WAR DOSEN”T NEED AN ANIMAL FRIEND, UNLESS IT’S A WOLF, MOOSE, OR BULLFROG (or consequently, a bullwoose), SO SHALL IT BE WRITTEN, SO SHALL IT BE DONE! And of course, Faldio’s squad has most of the cool characters, so we can’t count on them to do anything ever. And Edy hates Rosie PERIOD. She even got a special her only personality trait: Rosie Hater. And they chose her why if she’s not going to develop the plot?

All in all, I’m disappointed. I was really looking forward to a story with lots of different characters, and some occasionally dying, not silent pointless people killing everything occasionally, and only showing up to populate space never dying. As long as they don’t destroy Fressia, Aika, Vyse , and Wavy I’ll be fine, so maybe it’s better this way.